I AM HERE BEHIND THE WOUNDED ONES

I yearn. It is an activity that is beyond hoping and beyond trying. It is an ache combined with desire. The objects of this existence will not line up nicely for me, though I set them in order again and again. So I must tear the world down repeatedly and undertake its reconstruction.

I yearn to be complete again. The knowing of the perfect one I am is just outside my remembering. The conditioning and the constructions that separate my awareness from my perfection have not all slipped away. Still it is “I” who peek around the ones who shelter me from your gaze. You may not see consciousness when you look at me unless you look with perfect eyes.

I am here, behind the wounded ones; behind the broken ones; behind the chained ones; behind the ones with shattered hearts. There are so many pieces of me to look past, but won’t you try?

And in my quest, it has proven mandatory that I be made completely open to the rampant hurricane breath of the divine. My opening has not been gentle, but so poetic that it be delivered by a loved one.

She was the rock I leaned upon when there was so much turmoil in me. And when the support was taken away, I was taught how to stand. Yet I misunderstood the metaphor. I misjudged that rocks were only for support; something to hold onto in a storm. But ships are wrecked upon the rocks, and a rock may be a deadly weapon in certain hands. This one, applied just right, cracked me open.

I am grateful for the opening, if not for the breaking. But there is no opening without breaking, so I must humbly give thanks for that as well. It is the opening that reveals how closely lie the peaceful grassy hillsides and the still, quenching waters of tranquility.

It is the opening that informs me that I need not bother trying to manage circumstances or relationships. My own management of these matters has been found lacking. But surrendering them is no easy task for Capricorn Rising. He likes to have a hand in things.

It is the opening that reveals to me the heartbreaking existence of so many of my other expressions, and my love goes out to you full of joy and tears. We will all find our own way, in our own time.

Today I laughed and danced, lifted my voice to the rafters. I kissed my partner on both cheeks, and in saying good-by, kissed the beautiful reflection of my best self – the Beloved on the mouth.