THAT'S WHAT THE LONELY IS FOR

In Asheville we received a cold front that brought freezing rain and snow flurries. The downy flakes were beautiful against the backdrop of still turning leaves, scarlet red oak and the last orange and yellow of the maples. And all I can say is, “Holy shit I’m freezing my ass off.”

This new moon has spun me into a bout of dark moodiness. Grey clouds are hugging the ground and from the back door of my new townhouse I can see mist rising out of the distant valley like smoke. The weather calls for introspection and I have dropped my remembrance of the vibrant summer like a stone into a very deep well.

And for my first trip to church in Asheville the theme for the service was “The Via Negativa”. Are you kidding me! It’s all about the Yin aspect of the Yin/Yang; you know, those happily spooning opposites representing the eternal in and out, up and down, light and dark.

Pastor Howard calls us to go inward; to pay attention to our inner life. No more sun and summer; now we are of the moon and winter. The Yin is feminine, fluid, and soft – sometimes dark and cold. And if we did not have the emptiness of the Yin we could not experience it being filled up.

There’s a song in my memory by David Wilcox called “That’s what the lonely is for.” He suggests that we have empty rooms on purpose that call us to begin their filling. Pastor Howard rejoins with, “Without the doo, you ain’t got no Whoop-de-doo.” This guy cracks me up. I’ll be back.

The Via Negativa comes originally from Thomas Aquinas but is brilliantly re-imagined by Matthew Fox (not the “Lost” one).  He explains that it is often at our lowest points, in the darkness and the silence, that God speaks to us most profoundly.

So I am primed for profundity. I miss my friends, and I received news this week that one of my best friends has breast cancer. The prognosis is good, but I am devastated to be unavailable to her.  I can send her words of love and encouragement; I can float my prayers to heaven on angel’s wings; I can project love and light; but what I really want is to hold her in my arms.

And my friend is the inspiration for this blog. She was the first to recognize the call to go inward; to be quiet; to become soft and fluid in opening to the learning. My feelings of loneliness are miniscule in comparison, and she becomes my teacher once again.

So, today I embrace the Way of Emptiness and Longing. And I will be quiet and wait for guidance. The weather forecast promises warmer days ahead, and I will take this cold-spell as early preparation for the long winter yet to come.  Adyashanti says that in this life “struggle is not optional, but suffering is.”

So we move into the cave because we are called to do so; but we will not loiter here; we will keep moving and step through the darkness into the promised light of a new day.

At the end of the road, in Asheville, North Carolina.