It’s hard to be honest with yourself when doing so means you
have to look yourself squarely in the face and admit to your personal failings,
your weakness, and your lack of enlightenment.
How can it be that after all this struggle; after all this inner-work,
after all this living . . . I still carry some of the same challenges I did
when I was young?
I console myself with the knowing that at least now I can
see the shadow rise up out of the muddy soup that is my unconsciousness. And I am honest with myself, however much it
hurts.
Somehow I hope this is universal. Somehow I hope we all share this experience,
because shared pain seems so much more bearable. Because I wouldn’t feel so all alone if I
thought that sometimes those old tapes about your lack of worth and your “not
being good enough” – you know those tapes – I wouldn’t feel so all alone if I
thought sometimes they played for you – even though you thought you were all
done with that shit.
How many times have I set in the sacred circle and told you
that the healing of your mind is for nothing if you don’t also bring that
healing into your blood and your bones?
I’m walking evidence of that truth.
So with humility I lay myself down on my journey pallet, or find my way
back to the sweat lodge. These forms are
sacred magic and I thank God they have found their way into my practice.
